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C-Store Hell  I think i have a new one so mine can go to hell!!! I think i get to quit tomorrow so FUCK MY JOB!!!!! oh hell yes anyway, back to work. Your results: You are Will Riker
Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz The best way to tell i'm bored and waiting for my drugs to kick in. But other than being a pompous ass, rikers got a good gig...and can usually back his shit up. I'll take it. :-) My job just went really well today. Everything fell into place and all the work I've put in over the month just paid off. There's a good chance for me to bonus this month and last month, my employees are doing the right shit, and my theft is under control. Fucking Cool. I'm now celebrating with a glass of good scotch, as ms. mercedes can attest to, I don't drink the cheap shit, and this is a nice big glass cause I just had a ton of stress unloaded off of me and I look really good right now as far as corporate is concerned. FUCK YEAH!!! I was at work all day and I don't even give a fuck I'm so stoked. I still hate my job, and my employees are as dumb as rocks, but what the fuck, right? Its a damn good day. Current mood:  cheerful.Current music: Linkin Park. Rend...Slaughter...Devour your enemies...There is no other way to survive...You cannot Escape Your Hunger...Warriors of Purgatory This game is actually holding my interest in a time when prior to it getting to me in the mail m was about the only thing keeping me entertained (and I'm sorry but sometimes I fuzz out on her). I can't help it. I'm just having trouble getting excited/interested about anything in this town. Everytime I turn around I have a new problem at work, or another life crisis to deal with. I actually feel like the above quote from the game might be right. Do you ever get the feeling that no matter how hard you run you just stand still. I'm actually seriously thinking about just stepping sideways for just a moment...but I'm afraid of what I'll find. I think right now I've gotta kinda live minute to minute just to survive. If I look at the big picture I seriously think I might lose it. I know the steps to take and where they lead...I just have to put one foot in front of the other. Its just hard when I have all the phantom support in the world, but everyone is so far away and what I really need right now is someone to just be here, with me. Someone to help keep me on the bead through the trails. This really can't go on much longer. I actually cried myself to sleep last night...I haven't cried for a reason other than pain in years, but in the past 3 weeks i've cried just about everry other day. I'm really really burning out. And I can't get enough sleep. But for the moment, I will continue to place one foot down and then the other, and try to re-align myself with something positive inside. I think the crying is good...its just odd and scary because I really don't cry. Its not a macho thing, I just don't. Never been sure why. Usually I yawn alot and it produces the same effect. But I've actually been crying/laughing. So I'm not even totally sure what I'm feeling when it happens. I'm gonna crawl into bed for another go. Wish me luck. Current mood:  blah.Current music: Opening of DDS. I'm going in to open the store over an hour late again. I think my drug cocktail is messed up. I feel like i've been out on an all nighter and am still drunk from the prior night. Plus I didn't get 8 hours again cause of my damn cats. I need to just come home and clean up all the papers so they have nothing to make nooise with. or lock them up. I can't even drive in right now...this is nuts. I really need to make it a rule not to post after I've had a certain number of sleeping pills. I get really really silly. Anyway: Does anyone know if cats are protected under the Geneva Convention? I need to torture them to find out where they hid my glasses. I just got them fixed a few weeks ago but while I was asleep last night they kidnapped them and now I can't find them. I'm used to waking up and discovering them under the bed or something (thats usually where they knock them to) but today they are just GONE. and I checked everywhere I would have left them, so I'm trying to get my little darlings to tell me where the put them and they just won't talk. Hence, why I'm thinking torture next. Not really sure what else to try. And now she is trying to write in my LJ. Maybe they are gonna make a robot me and take over my life. Heh, that'd be cool. I could go on vacation again. Current mood:  tired.Current music: More 3 Doors Down. Deleted due to excessively high content of drug induced non-sense. But i really do have a lover...and she's wonderful. Current mood: stoned as fuck. Current music: my cats breathing. I love all my friends who I saw...and appreciate the rest that I didn't see even more. You are the light in my tunnel. I saw a bunch of people at an old haunt of mine that are trying to get me a new job(better) and would let me move. Had dinner a few nights with my father, and am learning that despite my best efforts I am turning out more and more like him. And he gets smarter the older I get. I'm learning alot from him about how to deal with work stuff. And a certain someone who shall remain nameless and forever adored gave me two of the most fun and peaceful days i've had in over a year. If you've ever seen troy there's a seen where achilles is telling some chick that she gave him peace, sappy moment, blah blah, but you know what, I can appreciate how much that could mean. She really really has no idea how much just being with her and having a good time meant to me and did for me. It was wonderful to just be, with no pressure, no worries about what happens or doesn't. It was free. And it allowed me two days of near perfect peace. I will appreciate her forever, even if I lose touch with her. For those of you I missed, I will make special efforts to see you next time i'm in town. I'm sorry I missed you, I had some car trouble, and then spent alot more time with my dad than I meant to. But it worked out. And I have a hobby again, if I can clear the table and find a way to protect my stuff from the local monsters. but that another tale. I love you guys, and thank you. And you, specifically, I adore. and yes I know its the same song, its been on repeat for about 6 hours in the last 3 days. for some reason 3 doors down has been making me cry since i started driving home, and this is a good thing cause I feel like its bringing me out of my depression. and thats again in large part to the mystery guest. Current mood: and loved..Current music: changes - 3 doors down. First things first: My day clerk is pissed cause she's this store's momma and I guess I don't clean enough for her, too bad the reason is that I'm making up for: My assistant is a fucking retard. "What we have here is a failure to communicate" (and 2 points for anyone who can tell me what movie thats from cause its making me crazy. I spend all my god-damned time fixing his fuck ups. And then he calls in sick if he works more than 40 hours in a week. He would actually be a great clerk. He cleans well, runs the register, etc. But he has no idea how to tell if my paperwork is fucked up and only knows how to do half of it anyway. But he's been witht he company 9 years so I don't even know if he's trainable. I've just got to spend the next two weeks trying anyway or i'm just not gonna get a day off again. My night clerk is the only saving grace, only issue with her is that she is only of average intelligence, and no real experience doing a white-collar or business running job. So while she HAS to know the reason I change a policy or she throws a fit and ignores it, it usually takes me several hours to break it down to terms that she understands...which I then have to repeat over and over again until she believes me. I'm the most straight forward and up front manager they could have. I don't yell, I don't cuss AT my employees, I'm fair (i'm so fucking fair I give myself writeups when I fuck up and then let them read them so they know) and they still just won't get to the point where they realize that I'm not jerking them around. been here a few months, and have never surpised anyone with disciplinary action or a change of where they stand. They all know it perfectly clearly, they just can't take the leap into believing what I tell them is the case. Its totally fucked. Anyway...went out of town for a few days and left clear instructions because we had an inspection from corporate, the guy who can walk up and fire my district manager(ie suit who is vp equivilent). gone 4 days and they didn't do anything on my list. ran up my labor for no forseeable gain. and when I got back my assistant had left me with each and every days worth of paperwork. to top it off i got fucked by weather so i came in late and had to close(so 1 lost day), open the next day(no sleep), spent the next day doing 10 hours of mandatory training, some of which was sprung on me after I was nice and told my assistant to come in late the next day since I came in late (trying to be a decent guy, right?) he doesn't answer his phone so I don't get to actually start on my work till 6pm yesterday. Inspection was supposed to be sometime between 8am and 3pm. At 830 I leave cause I'm so tired the room is spinng and i'm starting to hallucinate...almost kill myself some more on the drive home, and finally make it to sleep around 10. wake up too tired to move fast enough to get in till 5. and from there mad dash to make up a weeks worth of work. finally pull it off by around 1pm and start waiting because I could start on my weekly paperwork till after they showed. waited more...FUCKING ASSHOLES NEVER CAME. I have officially slept like 10 hours in 4 days, done heinous things to my body in order to try to get everything ready in time, and they can't even stop in. fuck them. I'll rant more later, but I want to make a positive post now. I'm not supposed to be scared of anything But I don't know where I am I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands i'm trying hard to breath now but theres no air in my lungs theres no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb i try to hold this, under control they can't help me cause no one knows Changes - 3 Doors Down Just the start of the song, but the song is really ringing true to me right now. Current mood:  getting better (go music).Current music: changes - 3 doors down. So Saturady I have classes all day on top of the normal bullshit. Sunday I have to work 18 hours cause my assistant is sick. Monday he won't come is cause he's still gonna be sick, so i'm opening againl. now the son of a bitch calls off on tuesday so I have to go in to open. this is so much bull shit. FUKC MY JOB. I'm going to have put in 40 hours in the first 3 days of the week. and I'm gonna take mytwo days off whether they like it or not, so they bettter hope he's better by then. FUK THEM. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current mood: FUCK THEM ALL. Current music: collateral. |
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